Monthly Archives: July 2012

What Is It


Have you ever wanted something so bad, you started to despise it?

But every time you closed your eyes, you would still visualize it?

If you had the chance to get rid of it, you would advise it?

Convince yourself you don’t want it only not to buy it?

So then you fill its void, somehow to disguise it?

Find a hidden flaw, maybe to compromise it?

So desperately high for it, you’d lie for it?

Missing it deeply, you secretly cry for it?

You rely on it, so you vie for it?

You need it, so you try for it?

You want it so bad that you would be willing to die for it?

What is it?
And is it worth it?


Copyright © 2012 Andrew Hildreth



it’s difficult to believe in certain things and then try to convince yourself otherwise
to throw away who you are and then display it differently on the outside

it’s difficult to harden your heart and never again want for this or that
knowing full well it can’t remain that way and will eventually soften back

it’s difficult to hope and want for chances that you feel will never happen
dreams and desires diminish and therefore all confidence is abandoned

it’s difficult to pretend that you no longer care
when deep down you do and yet have so much more to share

it’s difficult to change who you are when you know whom you should be
but you think society sees you differently and therefore keeps you from being free

it’s difficult not to attempt to quit or give in on those things that you want
to go on as if they didn’t matter and act all nonchalant

it’s difficult to let go because it proves you deeply believe in those things
it shows that you are uniquely different and a very special human being


Copyright © 2012 Andrew Hildreth

The Lost Files: Sarah’s Journal

The Lost Files: Sarah’s Journal.

The completed fan fiction novella can be found in the My Writings section at the top of my blog page. Thank you.

A Better Version of Me


Why do we do it? Why do we go out there day in and day out and push ourselves? Pushing our bodies to the limit… to the redline. And then, pushing them even farther to the point of exhaustion… to the point of nausea… to the point of breaking.

Then I realized: It’s not my body I’m trying to break… it’s the boundaries I automatically assume that exist keeping me in place. That’s what I’m trying to break. When I push hard and when I go long, I’m breaking through the boundaries that limit me to my present… that limit me to my average self. My potential lies on the other side of that barrier, and I have to break through in order to reach it.

Now will I ever reach my potential? No. I know this. Then why try? Because that is what keeps me hungry… that is what keeps me driving forward. And just when I think I’ve reached my potential, it gets pushed out a little farther forcing me to go hard… to go forward in order to reach it. I know I will never reach it but that doesn’t mean I will ever quit trying.

I know there is a better version of me out there, so I go out each and every day and go hard… go long… go forward to try and reach him… try to become him. And just when I’ve arrived, I locate the next barrier, focus on the other side, and smash through!

I’m moving forward…
I’m never quitting…
I’m never giving up…
From life to love to fitness…
I’m becoming that better version of me.