I find myself once again sitting in front of my laptop, pressing keys frantically, bringing forth thoughts into reality, and putting words down all in the name of… WRITING.
A month or so ago, I wanted to crawl under a rock and just hide. Actually, I came close to doing just that. I nixed all my social networking apps and sites: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, Foursquare, FanFiction, FanPress, Wattpad, and Blogger. I spread myself thin across these platforms, and it consumed a lot of my time. Time that should be spent reading and writing. I fell into a low and wiped all my social networking accounts–for the wrong reasons.
But, some good does come out of this…
I get a chance at starting over–better yet, starting fresh!
No, I won’t reactivate or start new accounts. I’ll leave them deactivated. However, I did keep my Twitter account (mainly because I wanted to keep my name as the Twitter name, and this will be used for writing updates). I also made a separate Twitter account for my running updates (to keep them very separate). And, I did make a WordPress account (as you can see) to house my writing thoughts, poems, and short stories. Oh yeah, one more… my Goodreads account. This keeps track of my books. Gotta have that!
Back on point: Starting over….
Around September of last year I got interested in writing. I even wrote a fan fiction novella as a writing project to see if writing was something I would enjoy and possibly be good at. I loved it! I felt like writing was a real part of me… part of who I am. Growing up, I always saw myself as a writer. I never pursued it and as life seemingly turned me in other directions, I never gave it much thought. I let the dream die.
I won’t say marriage and/or family killed the dream, but it wasn’t until after I got divorced that I found myself thinking about the dream again. I got into reading–which I never did before–and reading opened the door to writing. I dabbled in poetry when I was younger, but I let that fall away too. Now it’s back along with the dream of writing.
I started to doubt my reasons for my new found “hobby.” Maybe I was using it to feel like I belonged to a group. Maybe I was using it to fill a void in my life. Maybe I wanted to feel important or wanted in some way.
As these doubts rose up, I’d shoot them down quickly before they could corrupt what I knew had to be true: I am a writer.
Thoughts, ideas, stories, events, scenarios, characters, dialogue, and more were inside me trying to get out… waiting for me to grab a pen and write them down or make some keystrokes and type them out. I knew writing was not a hobby for me. I’m not saying I should be writing extraordinary novels or deep-thinking articles, but I knew I have “stuff” inside me that needs to get out.
A WRITER… it’s not what I do, it’s who I am.
One of the things that really solidified this belief in me was while watching the movie Anonymous. It was a scene, a quote, by Edward de Vere. When asked “Why must you write?”, he replied:
The voices… the voices, I can’t stop them. They come to me: when I sleep, when I wake, when I sup, when I walk down the hall. The sweet longings of a maiden, the surging ambitions of a courtier, the foul designs of a murderer, the wretched pleas of his victims… only when I put their words, their voices to parchment are they cast loose, freed. Only then is my mind quieted… at peace. I would go mad if I didn’t write down the voices.
Not only was this quote like an arrow hitting the bullseye, it was the arrow that split the arrow already in the bullseye.
After my recent “low”, I put writing on a backburner–actually more like up on the shelf. I was prepared to put it out of my mind and out of practice. Nobody cares and nobody reads what I write anyways, I thought to myself. But even from the highest shelf I could place it on, it still called out to me….
A WRITER… it’s not what you do, it’s who you are.
WRITE… it’s not for them, it’s for you.
If you don’t write it, no one will.
That’s when I realized that I can’t give up on writing because if I did then I would be giving up on myself.
So, you see? I can’t stop writing. I won’t stop writing.
It’s who I am…
I’m a writer.
So, I write.
Hand Held Writer >>> Andrew Hildreth
(…even my name says it!)